i don’t understand how people write.

how do you write without getting personal? i can’t. an essay, yes - although my opinion always leaps out of the page. a magazine article, yes - although being objective and clinical is so near-impossible that i end up writing book reviews instead.

so then…if you do get personal…if everything you write is a reflection of your thoughts and feelings and mood at one particular moment, then how on earth is it possible to let people you know read what you’ve written?

i’m used to living behind my mask. the girl who’s only insecure in a slightly neurotic way, but is actually perfectly happy and has it all figured out. the kind of sarcastic, cynical, oh-let’s-just-diffuse-this-conflict-with-a-little-humour kind of person.

writing, for me, strips this mask. i become simultaneously more insecure and more confident; pessimistic yet romantic, a little less happy and a little more confused perhaps.

stripping the mask is terrifying. i’m not very good with being brave. but i can’t live like this forever - not when i have things i want to say and wish i could say - so i’m doing this, a kind of anonymous blog.

i don’t know how this is going to help me. personally, i’m hoping i’ll magically transform into some super-confident young woman and then someone who looks like jude law will fall hopelessly in love with me and i will acquire grace kelly’s accent and wardrobe and become the next j. k. rowling and live happily ever after.

(but if that doesn’t happen, that’s okay too. really.)